Good inside
Becky Kennedy¶
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/59627738-good-inside
You're raising humans¶
“You push them away every time you prioritize their behaviour over your relationships. You send them off to their room, thus leaving them alone when they need you most. ”
Your child's behaviour will matter less in the long run than your response to it.
You're not your parent¶
https://youtu.be/jyMZ_LOVcvo?si=xcxaoos04YsJvPzx
Feeling unseen and unheard makes people feel lonely, even in a seemingly loving relationship.
Win the war by avoiding the battle¶
if your strategy in a fight is to convince, you're setting yourself up for failure.
“You may outwit or convince your child of your rightness, but then you will also demonstrate that their emotions aren't valid, their truth is unimportant, and their words are lies.”
“You are your child's parent, not friend”¶
Your child needs permission to be who they are, not to do what they want.
Boundaries are not what we tell kids not to do; boundaries are what we tell kids we will do. ~ Dr. Becky Kennedy
“A good inside person starts with self-care”¶
Your relationships with your children will mirror your relationship with yourself.
- breathe
- acknowledge: name your emotions
- respect the reasons for feeling that way
- start slow: 2 min meditation, 1 pg book, 5 min physical exercise..
Building bridges¶
“instead of punishing your child for inappropriate language or aggressiveness, think about whether they need your attention”
“See their behavior as a window to their inner state. Avoid reacting to big words or actions. Instead, strive to see the immense feelings within them.
• Reduce their shame. This feeling can be devastating even when a child grows up because they hide and reject a part of themselves, feeling it's terrible, inappropriate, or unnatural. • Tell the truth. Never make a child doubt their observations by saying: “No, you just imagined it!” or “It's not a big deal.” Later, it may push them to doubt their reasons and judgments. • Answer their questions. Sometimes, “Where do babies come from?” can strike you like a flash. However, pay attention to their inquiries even if they make you uncomfortable. • Introduce the “Play No Phone” strategy. The PNP technique is a consistent short break that is essential in our age. Tell your child you will leave your phone and dedicate ten minutes of undivided attention to their preferred activity. Ask them what they want to do and follow through with their choice. PNP also means no distractions, siblings, screens, or tasks. • Sit on the bench with them. Challenging moments have the most tremendous potential for connection. When your child misbehaves, set boundaries, but don't leave them alone by sending them to an imaginary punishment bench in their room. Sit with them. Help them share their life and emotions by showing that you are there for them. This way, they will feel heard, not dismissed. • Enhance playfulness. Create a family talent show, dance parties”
Know your plans¶
“Knowing and controlling your reactions is challenging. However, knowing your options before the situation happens makes you more likely to respond effectively”
“What can you do when your child is not listening? - Connect before you ask: Show them that you care and understand that stopping what they are doing may be hard for them. It will - Give them a choice: Say: “Will you clean up after a shower or now?” - Use humor so they feel curious, not enforced. - Try the Close Your Eyes strategy: This t rick enhances trust and playfulness. Say: “What if I closed my eyes and you already put on your sneakers and coat to go outside? If it happened, I would sing Rapunzel songs or jump in a circle like a bunny!”
How can you manage tantrums?¶
- Avoid self-loathing when it happens.
- Remember that two things are true.
- Name their wish.
- Wait it out.
What do you do when they are rude or defiant? 1. See the feelings behind those words. 2. Set a boundary by letting them know they cannot behave this way 3. Recognize their feelings verbally.
Finally, what are the steps to building healthy eating habits? - Remember, you are responsible for what, when, and where your child eats, but eating or not and how much is entirely their choice. - Serve a dessert with the main course. Let it be small so the child doesn't fill up with it. Requiring to eat something before dessert makes children feel they must work to deserve it, leading to an unhealthy attitude towards sweets.”
Conclusions¶
“The parent's job is to decode the message through their child’s emotions and behavior, even if they speak through fists and screams. However, don't confuse their behavior with their nature”